sometimes the night is brigter than day

Tue, 22 Dec 2009 18:03:40 GMT

HAZA!!

i got crystal some awsome christmas presents this year, dont worry, there are no surprises here, because she already got all of them, from me at least, because i just cant wait till christmas, haha. but yeah, i gt her a diamond journay necklace (1/2 carat total weight, and laid in 14 kt. white gold with a 10 kt. white gold chain, damned thing set me back a few, let me tell you, LOLZ) and then today i got her some bootish looking slippers to wear around the appartment, a Liz Claborne 6 pack of perfume samplers, and a tote full of goodies, from bath and body works. im sure i left some things out, but that would be most of it, haha. hmm. i feel too happy right now, im not exactly sure, maybe its the Safjan Stevens christmas music i have going, or perhaps its just the whole season its self, but i feel just splendid!! AND IT SNOWED SO MUCH LAST NIGHT!!! me and crystal stayed up to watch it, and we cheered it on, and then booed at it, when it didnt fall hard enough, heh. man, i just love christmas, and all that it stands for...i guess when you get older, you start to appreciate the meaning and all that jazz, and after awhile, it dosnt really matter what you get, but you start to realize that giving is just awsome!!

a few nights ago i went to a christmas play at the church...not tactfully done, but the message got thru, and i guess that is all that counts!

monkey killing monkeys, monkey takes picture there of.

Thu, 10 Dec 2009 21:32:46 GMT

fuck...i dont even know what to think..
if i evere came closer to being one thing
i guess it would be now

i fucking hate the idea that im gonna go to hell
for not being a good christian
i mean if i dont shape up im going to hell as it is!!

im reading the bible, trying to find solace
but what is there to find?
i mean red and yellow black and white, right?

but i have seen more and more simularities between me
and the animals..us and them
and that makes me paranoid..

if we are not that differant
then...then that means we are more of the same
closer to each other, and closer to the universal whole

ma and pop sent me to a lutheran school
so...
should i become what i think i ought to become, or should i just be?

So, your life sucks, eh?

Thu, 03 Dec 2009 03:28:31 GMT

well nothing much has changed in life, not even the grades, haha. me and crystal are going shopping with her brother in a few hours. he's supposed to give us some money for tiding us over untill payday, so that's cool!!

i have been wondering lately of the days gone by, but it isnt out of nostalgia, it is more of a memory of a sore boyhood. i listened to Puff the Magic Dragon lately and i just cried. i mean i dont even know why? some dead portain of memory that still is attached to a song, but not to the pysche? hmm. i guess everyone has their webs of thought that eventually become tattered or forgotten. and these wayward memories become some, some sorrowful tale.. no one really knows these things, we only have a progression of ideas that slouch closer to a truth(?)

it's kinda like breathing, but not wanting to.**

Fri, 27 Nov 2009 03:34:49 GMT

yeah, i guess that its typical
to cling to memories
you'll never get back again
and to sort thru old photographs
of a summer long ago
or a friend that you used to know
and how you loved
and her frozen face
while you wrote the name
and that ancient date (that ancient date)
and you cant forget
that shes really gone
and im sorry for the phone call
im sorry for calling you
i know its getting late
thank you for talking
i really needed that
yeah, some things just cant wait

and im haunted in my dreams by images of failular. i feel like a statue, and how i got to be this way, i have no idea...its like i steaped thru some strange door. i hate my self, not so much the character of the previous, but rather the circumstance and uncertainty of my mind and soul. i feel as if everything thing has some greater, hidden truth, and i am at the middle of some... some-- THING! (sometimes i feel somebody by my side) i think i actually made the trip. i feel i have both feet on the side of the mindless and savage. i want to get out, but im afride of everything. have i become comfortable with my illness? is that right? should i do that? should i resist the illness? i still take my medician. i still do the breathing exercises.

but everyone gets pictures and ideas stuck inside of their heads.

everyone has their off days, ya know? i just dont want to get hung up in the bad, or mundane

i want more...i want to suceed

yup.

Sun, 08 Nov 2009 03:48:39 GMT

so not much has happened during the few days that i havnt posted, and that is probably why i really did not post.

i got a hairless rat, and his name is ralph. hes a pretty cool little guy, and i am trying to teach him a few tricks, but the thing is, he is just so damned skittitsh, that when i have him out of his cage, all he wants to do is crawl all over me, and nibble at my clothes. he is kinda ugly, i am not going to lie, but he has the most charming character. i mean the place we got him from, PetSmart, said that he was about the most well manored rodent that they know of, and the guy there who was in charge of the whole small animale department said that he would be sorely missed. at first i thought he was just being kind, but now i can really see what he was talking about. HE IS JUST SO DAMNED CUTE. even though he is ugly as sin...lol.

oh, and on a side note, if anyone does want to get a small animal, i.e. of the rodent family, i throughly encourge that you get a fancy rat from PetSmart, and if you live in the area, be sure to go to the one at the Sam's Club/Super Wal-Mart plaza in Grand Blank. You will not be dismayed!

There's people here, but the've all left.

Sun, 18 Oct 2009 16:18:27 GMT

When you are a teenager, you are not old enough to be angsty or jaded.
When you are in your twenties, you best be damn well on your way to finding a life time job field.
When you are thirty some odd years, you are too old to be angsty or jaded.
When you are forty, and you do not have a job, and you live alone, you's fucked, homes...

Holy Crap, this has to be winter.

Thu, 15 Oct 2009 21:11:46 GMT

it got so cold so goddamned fast!! i mean, holy fuck, what ever happened to the gradual chill of Autumn. shoot.

anyways, what is going to happen to the family when me and crystal are gone, or even better, when will me and crystal be gone? gees. i really have to strech my gas this month, i have bearly any left, and money is tight. i really should have not spent that 11 dollars on mcdonalds, but i guess they had to eat, you know.

i really had no time to my self, and i have been busy busy busy!

i have this horrible cough, and i just want it to quit, stop. i want bertha to get better and everything else to just pan out. i mean i think that i am too much of a wuss to change things my self. fuck. i am just not used to so much god damned drama. and i am just going in circles over here. it just seems so unweilding

I am the hat on my head.

Sat, 03 Oct 2009 21:11:52 GMT

folky
earthy
hokey
pokey

Where's Waldo

Tue, 29 Sep 2009 17:29:26 GMT

I am at the hospital...but i am not the patient.

i have been here for about 3 days, hanging out with my mother-in-law, who just got a triple bypass. shes doing alright, but she cant really speek all that well, seeing as she had a breathing tube down her mouth. and let me tell you what, that just looked horrible. it was really something else, watching such a spunky woman, all hooked up on tubes and cathitors.

i would have to say that the only good thing that came out of this whole trip, except for her getting better so quick, would have to be the smoking room, and the fact that they have WiFi internet, WHERE EVER YOU GO!!!

five bars, i swear to you, its awsome.

fuel burning fast on an empty tank.

Thu, 17 Sep 2009 04:27:59 GMT

I feel like burning
burining it down to grey cinders
riping the windpipe out of it with my teeth
flushing down all those pills
but im just talking to myself
democracy has me under its black rubber heel
drinking their poisions
and smoking their cartons
rock bottom and falling fast.

I get my revolution
at a discount price.

Ouch...

Mon, 14 Sep 2009 04:41:42 GMT

So...

i havnt been feeling all togather as of late. i have been having weird feelings of bugs crawling over me, and all sorts of vivid colors float past my head. i havnt done any drugs for a whole long time, and i just feel REALLY strung out! I dont know if it is the extra three mgs of resperidol, or too much caffine, but something is really getting to me. my school told me to take a two week break, after these classes end, and i really hope that if i just cool down, and not drink any coffee, cola, or beer, i would be alright.

i have one more week of classes, that meaning, finals are next sunday. i am going to get pletny of rest and drink plenty of fluids.

I think it could also be that i just got over spinal miningitis. the more i think about it, the more i think that that is the reason.

but at any rate, i have a huge test tommorow, and it's getting late, so, bye

Writer's Block: My Dream Job

Mon, 14 Sep 2009 04:29:35 GMT

What is your dream job? Do you think you'll ever have it?

Sponsored by Monster

View 998 Answers

Peer Advocate.

I already have 36 credit hours, out of 60 completed, so yeah, i do think i will get it.

Sell your soul for rock and roll.

Mon, 31 Aug 2009 01:25:22 GMT

Piss sour candy fags:
you soccer moms and soccer dads
raising your kids on tv ads
how do you sleep at night
their consciouses are in tact
im dead sure of that
giving their money to Jesus H Christ.

La la la...Some kind of confusion, more like a diaster.

Thu, 27 Aug 2009 02:04:16 GMT

I am the sane one, tonight.

so really, really!?

i wish you could talk to your self, like you were someone else, because then you could probably take my advice, and not be such an asshole, all of the time.

i mean what happened tonight, i just want to throw it all away, i just want to get it off of me. wash my skin with lye soap, and just become what i was yesterday. nothing was wrong yesterday. aaron was aaron, and that was all it was. crystal did not cry out her eyes, and everything was groovy. i should have fought, but we all know that fighting leads to hate, so i just let that sleepy dog lie.

but since we had that fall out, i guess i can only hope my shit does not get ruined, because i am in fenton, and my house is in holly, and everyone who is mad at me lives in the same building
___________________________________________________

And I would just like to squrill away all of my happy days away in my rat trap appartment, down by the historic district.

As i have learned that nothing is as pressing, as the one who is pressing would like you to believe.

Fri, 21 Aug 2009 03:43:56 GMT

All my frineds were vampires
didnt know they were vampire
turned out i was a vampire too
in a devil town
i was living in a devil town
didnt know it was a devil town
oh man it really brings me down
living in a devil town.

Writer's Block: Confidence Booster

Thu, 20 Aug 2009 02:53:37 GMT

What do you wear to feel confident?

Sponsored by Body by Victoria® from Victoria's Secret.

View 505 Answers

One of my many oxfords, trousers, and my houndsooth fadora.
This also doubles a my church garb.

Nachos, the new wave of the future.

Tue, 11 Aug 2009 00:00:53 GMT

Je'suis le Nacho Rex.

I had gotten plenty of compliments on said nachos.

The secret, is celantro, and NO meat.

Meat is nachos wrost enemy.

A day long.

Mon, 10 Aug 2009 03:07:22 GMT

I listened to Joy Division and The Unicorns.
Haz to the Za

the licence plate said 'fresh' and there was dice in the mirror...

Sat, 08 Aug 2009 04:47:27 GMT

i am getting a job in psychology, and all i have to do is complete my associates. i will then be 30 credits further away from my bachlors, be working for CMH, and all kinds of goodies will be waiting for me.

all i have to do is finish this pesky adv. algerbra, and psychology class, and i will be able to start my classes

I Feel Pressured to Tell You or Pull the Black From the Gray

Sat, 25 Jul 2009 19:37:11 GMT

I never really had big psychotic break
i never really went off the deep end, so to speek.

i really do not know if i am paranoid, or just a real firm believer
it gets really hard to peel apart the layers, and peer beneath.
i know surely that i go manic alot, and am never super depressed...
just more or less a certian level of feeling nonexistant.

it is as if i can feel myself, being outside my self
Borderline Personality Disorder

that really sums up all that i have

the brief and troubling, but brief none the lees
psychotic breaks

the insane highs, that really do not last as long,
to be concidered as mania, but really do feel like it

and when i feel sad, it is not like i used to feel like

when my grandpa died, it felt like he was still up north
alive and there

but it felt wierd, because i knew i would never see him

yet he feels more alive now, then when he was he was...
well when he was alive.

and being alone....
or haveing someone i know, not in the house with me

it is like i am;
like we never knew each other

it gets better and worse as each situation follows

but for the most part i feel that i am pretty well off.

a few hours behind a computer, which besides my wife, is truely my best friend.

computers are all the same

they dont give you any lip
you dont have to care for their emotions
frankly
because they do not have any

and they are much easier to fix then would
someones hurt feelings

I would say on the heirarchy of family friends and aquentainces
it would be

wife --> Aaron/Computer --> Wii --> TV --> everybody else.

and i am not being a jerk
i an not being exclutionary
it is just that i do not need
that much human interactoion

schiziod?
...schiziodish, i have been told

i am a little off my rocker
lolz

and Aaron shold be proud...he scored par with my Guinnzbot, hahahaha

READ MY MIND, WHEN I AM TALKING TO YOU.

Thu, 23 Jul 2009 04:52:46 GMT

Kora has the most decorated tombstone that i know of.

something is happening
the megma moon is boiling
psycho killer is on the move

sick purple crushed velvet
head full of acid and a belly full of pills
psycho killer (what was that)

a thousand blue bottles trembling in
the few square inches behind my face
psycho killer is in the wood

my days are numbers
striked out on the calander
son of sam is on the move

the cindered moon is wanning
alkline sweaty thoughts
a cat? THE PERFECT DISGUISE!

the bible's blind, the toroh's deaf, the quran is mute
if you burn them all togather you get closer to the truth

I can not tell you any more planly:
We are figures in books full of facts.

We are just stumbling thru life blindly
with a million things passing thru our perifery.

Damn the it.

Wed, 22 Jul 2009 00:27:21 GMT

Algerbra has started. I freaking hate math. So has 'Psychology of the Human Sexuality'. Can't Wait 0.o....

in other news, i went for a four hour swim, today, at Silver Lake. Along with me, was the wife, and the mother-in-law. Might i say, i normally do not swim for more than half an hour, but today was just so much fun!! Even in the luke warm tempetures.

So i have more than 3/4 of a liter of Pepperment Schnapps, and i plan to make merry with it.

chao!

Psycho Killer, Quoi'st c'est, au: Paranoia! Paranoia! Everybody's Coming to Get Me!

Wed, 15 Jul 2009 06:29:22 GMT

So I have been diagnosed as Paranoid Schizophrenic, recently. Never could have seen that one coming. (He said sarcasticly).

My meds have been changed, but only slightly.

And in other news, I now have Comcast OnDemand.

Totally awsome.

And tonight I sleep well, because I have the power of 164 mg of atypical antipsychotics.

Writer's Block: My Ideal Life Ten Years from Now…

Fri, 10 Jul 2009 04:15:10 GMT

What does your ideal lifestyle look like 10 years from now?

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View 502 Answers

Jedi Knight.

, i ate three day old Activia, and barrfed all over kim's toilet, and lawn.

yeah, so much for regularity.

losers.

Duke Nukeum says, "Come get some"

things that are a little bit awkward. or: Move over Rover, and let Guinni take over.

Mon, 06 Jul 2009 02:52:21 GMT

runing into an ex. (sheila especially...rawr).

talking to my dad.

talking to a prof. about a missed assignment.

being around drunk people.

having sex dreams about old people (i mean, ick)

talking to overly friendly strangers.

psychitrist.

o.r. doctors.

mean mothers.

nosey neighbors.

loren

giving up a friendship.

that one time i played 'Foxy Lady', in lorens basement.... lthefuckol

everytime i am stoned...